I spoke to BFF2 today. It's his bday too! Yay for him! Anyway, I told him I am back to normal now, because he was the only one that I messaged at 6 in the morning to say that I still loved Brian. Of course he asked me if I was drunk, which I was not.Today, I asked him if he thought Brian stil loved me and he said yes and I asked how can he tell and he said by the way he looks whenever he mentions my name. He says he looks like it hurts him to talk about me. I asked him when was the last time he mentioned me and he said last month.
I don't know what the hell was wrong with me over the weekend, but I believe it has something to do with the fact that my period will be here in two weeks. Monday came and I felt completely normal and detached. Oddly enough, my horoscope(which I follow for entertainment purposes) was spot on about this month.
I don't know why I revisited those feelings that I am still not sure holds any validity. You know, I feel like one of those people who was abused and suppressed the memory only to have it come back by a trigger. My trigger was that damn song. On Sunday night, while laying in my bed, I finally stopped playing it on repeat. This, of course, came after Trey Wiggs cussed me out for crying and made some very good points. Maybe Brian was not the one for me and maybe ... just maybe.... God gave him a baby to keep me away from him. Then he flipped the switch and told me maybe we are meant to be. Anyway, after that I started becoming less emotional and irrational and more detached.Like normal!
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