Balance

I feel back to normal. Pre- Jay days. I'm sure Julie Parker can attest to how much of a mess I was prior. I'm almost certain that she must've been imagining kicking me in the shin so I'd shut up already. She began comparing me to someone else and I knew I was acting up.

I read a blog of Julie's that had myself and others written all over it and I realized that I was kidding myself.
It was her cake analogy that made it clear. Amidst my impulsive attempts to meet someone on those random websites catered to eager or lonely individuals, it became clear that I was starving with my eyes for some cake. (Cake=Men/Relationships)

It wasn't as if had I gotten a slice, I'd eat it. No. I just wanted to say yes, I would like a rich and creamy chocolate slice and pass me a slice of that red velvet over there... O.k , now put it in the fridge so I can look at it every now and again.
I wanted options. I don't crave attention, but for some reason, I wanted cake to crave me and clear my insecurities of being....cakeless. Kind of silly , I know, but who doesn't want to be wanted every now and again?

I regained my self of sense and lack of concern over such things. I no longer cared about cake or anything else. I figured, like before, it would come in it's own time. It's funny how your sense of confidence and a nonchalant attitude can give you back control over your life and emotions. That's what it's about.

Now I have more cake than plates. None of which I really want a taste of... but it's nice to have..
And I don't take my fork and dip in like I have intentions of eating. I'm straightforward and make it clear that they are no good for my thighs At least for right now. There are still the futile attempts to make them spread. Sorry, not interested.

Though, there is this piece of chocolate that is tempting my lips...
(go figure- he's a pastry chef)