Keep forward. Keep busy.

All I needed was a little R&R. Yesterday, I decided to join Mel and Joan at the Brooklyn Museum for Target's First Saturday event. The theme was "Feminism". Viva la estrogen! -as Mel would say. I actually had a great time again. The exhibits were pretty interestng and we attended a burlesque performance done by Darlinda just Darlinda and Old Ma Femme. They were two young Jewish women who taught school and sidelined as burlesque dancers. Their performances and statements were pretty good. Darlinda, after stripping to a bikini of our nation's flag-while dancing with two inher hand and one sticking out of her ass, yes- pulled a pic of George Bush from what appeared to have been from her vaginal area. She transformed from a Marilyn Monroe get up to her natural self while she danced her clothing off and when she pulled Bush from her vagina, she began to tear up his photo and sprinkle it as confetti. The point behind her performance was she's an "All American" Blonde/woman rather and she is hurting inside. Her mascara is running. She's hurting in her vagina because Bush is saying what she can and can not do with it (right to choose). It was pretty good until they began giving their incoherent speeches . Neither one of them could articulate themselves and their brief messages seemed weak. Other than that, the rest of the exhibits were great. There was a triangular arrangement of dinner tables lined with place settings and plates painted with the vagina in different interpretations. It is pretty. I see why some men and women love it. Afterwards, they had an Afro -Tech party on one of the floors. It was a huge hall which Joan and I mused would be appropriate for her wedding reception. People came all decked out like they were coming to the club but the cultural club. It was nothing but estrogen and testostorone looking to mix. The music was tight. The place was crowded as hell. All the Afro-centrics, intellectuals, artists, young professionals and such came out to this event. People were getting down on the dance floor. I think that would have been an ideal place to meet someone if I hadn't had three hours of sleep and a bag full of books weighing me down. Next time, I'm coming prepared in dancing heels and a wife beater, with my hair tied up. I don't need anything keeping me from getting into the groove on the dance floor.

Afterwards, we decided to go have dinner.

We walked Mel's friend, this girl we met randomly in Black Fat Pussy Cat last year , to the train station and then walked downtown to this African restaurant, Madiba? Keeping with the theme, I guess. Mel'a been pushing this place for a while so we went. It turned out to be really good. I'd take someone there. We had a wonderful time, laughing it up and having candid discussions throughout the meal. I laughed so hard last night that I put most of my stress and dread out of my head. We talked about gentrification while walking towards downtown, the economy, our high school reunion, dating and finding some one who'd complement us and isn't into games. etc. Mel claims she's met someone like that and it's all about the circles you're around. I had to call her out on that because we all know that it is not that easy to meet someone at our age who wants to be in a stable relationship and is not damaged or into childish trickery and games. She says she's met him and so I told her if that's truly the case then hold on to him. Personally, I don't believe her. She's proven to be someone who would say something just for making a point, her point, true or not.

Being in Madiba reminded me of when I was 21 or 22 and dating. We sort of reminisced about my dating life and I had some pretty good times. Except now, I want to not just date for the sake of dating but I'd rather meet someone who complements me and is worth the effort in every sense. Someone who has his head on his shoulders and knows what he wants in life and love. Well, let me not depress myself. It took Jazzy eight years to find that type of love. I don't want to be like other people who just settle in a ditch effort to have someone. My self worth is too high and who you're with and how they carry themselves in particular reflects how you see yourself. We talked about that last night too. Women who are on their grind and settle with men who aren't doing shit let alone compare. Anyway, I still know what I want so I am holding out I guess. I am meeting guys in my school, like Mr. Reserve and LP ( my lab partner in bio) that are on their toes and focused, but a little harmless flirting is where I keep it.

I think I'm going to spend the rest of the semester just focusing on myself and channel my energy into building me up. I'll work on toning for the summer and spending time with myself. I had a great time with my girls last night , as always. We laughed so hard that I began to wipe tears. I missed that.. At the same time, there are things that I miss from my past. The free-ness to do as I please, for one. That will be back in due time. At this point, I just wish I could meet that person who would be worth it, but I think things will fall into place in its own way. Still, it would be nice. I've had more than enough of guys who just aren't it and games and uncertainties, but basically, they just weren't it. I think a major part of it is my looking. I'm just going to stop looking and work on me inside and out to pass the time. I need to keep my focus on my goals and keep stepping my game up. I also need to be aware of my life. Sometimes I feel like I am just going and doing and I'm not conscious about it. I've done so many great things in my young age and I guess I don't think about it as much until I recall it later on. Living in the moment, I guess. Sometimes, I feel out of my element like I did last night on that dance floor surrounded by young professionals and thirty somethings. Which reminds me, I need to go shopping. Nothing like a good wadrobe change for a pick me up. I'm going to get a new hair style too. Time for a change. A night out was just what I needed. I miss my social life. What started off as a miserable day ended up as a great night out on the town. As for meeting that great one or good one, who knows? They say it comes when you least expect it. Mean time, I read my romance novels amidst the dull ache.