No bounds-sort of

So, in the spirit of not holding myself back, I decided to take a leap on Monday. As I write, I am momentarily bedridden by the cold, but I wanted to get this out before I am too delirious to remember. Back to Monday..

So I am on my way to school, feeling sick as hell, and I get on the bus only to realize that I can't find my metrocard. The driver is the same 4:15 who passed me by months ago after I frantically tried to wave him down. I'm sure I bitched about this before. I was convinced that he did it on purpose because he had previously asked for my number and I turned him down. Anyway, so I'm on the bus and I can't find my metrocard and he waves me in and says it's ok. When I sit down, I continue to look for it and after finally finding it, I paid my fare. Part of me didn't want him doing any favors for me and the other part needed to find my card. Now halfway through the trip, I come to realize that the bus is empty and he turns around and starts talking to me. The driver asked me if he did something to me because he notices that every time I get on his bus,I tend to give him a mean look. So , I casually say " Oh?" . So I filled him in on what he's done months ago and how he almost made me late for school and I began to feel a bit childish for holding such a grudge for so long. He began apologizing , saying he probably didn't see me, but I told him he looked right at me. So then he begins apologizing some more and asks how he can make it up. So I'm hip to his game. I move up to the front of the bus and we start talking and I began to notice that this man is fine. I mean, FINE!! I guess I never really paid attention to him before because he isn't the first driver on the route to try to get my number and I have srict rules about dating people in places I frequent. So we continue talking and I feel oddly comfortable with him. I asked him about the little girl that I saw on the bus a few times some weeks ago. I thought perhaps she was his daughter and maybe he was a single father, but he said she was a friend's child who was without a sitter. Hmm ok. So he asks me for my number (again)and I told him I'd think about it. Tuesday, I passed out in the morning from taking dimetapp. I bruised the inside of my lip and cut my finger as I hit the tile floor. I just remember waking up on the floor, head pounding, ears ringing, and everything hazey. I managed to stumble to my room and collapse on my bed. Minutes later, I'm still checking for blood in my mouth, head still pounding, and I'm not sure if I really fainted or if it was a dream until I felt my finger in pain. ANyway, suffice it to say, I chucked the dimetapp. By late afternoon I was feeling well enough to leave the house. Truth be told, I did not want to be inside with my brother and his friends downstairs. I missed the 4:15, but it was ok. Today now, I still felt like crap, slightly better but still terrible. I decided to make the 4 :!5 and I saw him again. He had told me his name and I told him mine prior. So he asked me what happened to me yesterdau. He claimed he was looking out for me but was disappointed. I told him that I was sick and still am. Half way through the ride again the bus emptied. We're talking again and he asks me how I got sick. He attempts to make a move by telling me I look good eve sick. How I'd want someone who'd want me with the good and bad. Ha! I told him not to make me laugh or I may pull up a lung. This time I took his number. I asked him how old he was in passing. He's 35. Hmm ok. He looks damn good for 35. He was offering to drive me home and being flirtatious about taking care of me. Mhm ok. So, he texted me during class and I hit him back after. We spoke on my way home when he told me he was on his way home from Bible Study at my old church. Hmm ok. So, I had to ask. Bible study? Yes. He asked if I go to church. I said not as often as I should and he told ne I should try, it's good for me. I hear it all the time and I don't disagree. I shared with him my liking for the Tab as opposed to my old Catholic church. Anyway, we talked some more and he was a gentleman and told me to eat something to get my strength and bid me good night. WOuld I date him? Yes. Not because he's fine. Because he seems different, for now.

Then there is T, who is in my Bio Lab and Bio class. He followed me to the library yesterday even when I was blowing my nose. He got off the elevator with me after Bio to ask me how to do the graph. After Mr. Africa from Speech class, I became hip to guys who use hw as a way of macking. Next thing I know, T is in the library sitting next to me talking about history ( he has an associates in history) as I do my math hw. The convo was interesting and he has niee lips -I tend to steal looks while they talk- but I don't know. He made something as simple as "where are you from?" a complicated answer. He left when I left and then asked me for my number after giving me suggestions on how to get better. I gave him my email instead and told him to message me so I can get his. He messaged me today to say hello and hoped that I was feeling better. That was nice. I need to be careful though. I didn't want to give Mr 4:15 my number in case he became crazy for whatever reason and abuse my prepaid minutes via texts or whatever. But I took the chance.

Mr West has not been forgotten. He told me about the dream he had with me stabbing him in the back after he finds me in bed with another man. I guess he is sensing something. He told me he wish he could take care of me today and I told him that would have been nice. Genuinely. Sadly, i don't foresee a future with him. I don't agree with his approach to dealing with his child from pushing for the abortion , to not telling his mother about the child until he gets his degree in May? really?, to not getting a job so he can focus on school. He claims he wants to keep his mom for worrying because that is her sickness and partly to keep the stress of his back. I think he's being stubborn and cowardly in a sense. His P.O.V is why get a job when he can get a career and people need to stop looking at the "right now" . My P.O.V. is , the baby is here "right now" and he can very well hold down a job while working towards his career in school. It isn't unheard of.. But his excuses are. I'm over it and I couldn't imagine being a baby's mother, let alone putting up with all of that bs.

How did I go from where I was a few days ago to here, I don't know. What I do know is none of these guys give me that tingly feeling. No real chemistry right now. I thought for sure that maybe it's the cold. Like maybe it's not just my sense of taste that is momentarily on pause. But no. Even Mr 4:!5- Even with him being fine as hell, with that sezy ass mucular body and that smooth baby face,and his flirtatious way, even with him being 35- Eh.Should I consider dating them knowing that my interest level is low? Maybe. I don't know. I think I'll just smile, stick with my cold, and stay under my covers.