If I were a boy...

I'd probably be just as ridiculous.

Monday I went to dinner with the ladies at Cooper's and we were catching up on life and men. I was teasing Suzzie about her and Mr. Mocha( who I should just call chocolate) and it turns out that she is trying to keep her distance from him. She likes him and he likes her, they spend a lot of time together and talk all of the time, but he's one of those careful analytical types. Clearly all of this positive interaction will only make her become more emotionally invested and hopeful. He said that when they first met he saw her as a friend, but Julie says he's just going with the moment and having fun and Suzzie will end up getting hurt. I really feel for her because we are so alike. We've both endured the young relationship with the deep connection and talks of the future and the back and forth with the ex which in its aftermath kept us emotionally unavailable to anyone else until recently. We fall into crushes easily, we over analyze, we want instant gratification when we know what we want and she's a romantic like I am or was which can lead to impulsive behavior. We want what we want and we don't mind going after it. Even if it as at our expense. We tend to fall for the guys who present a challenge rather than the ones who chase us. Ultimately, we're fools for love and hold the idealistic fairy tale romance in our hearts. At least I was a fool at one point. I had to learn to not be the pursuer or the aggressive one. Sure there may be opportunities missed, but essentially if the guy is into you then he will do what he can to show it. She really likes this dude and he gives her the sense that he likes her too but he isn't really doing much about it. So she kept making efforts and he keeps entertaining them and confusion ensues..

Now, Julie would make Mr. Mocha... Chocolate her prey and spit him back out, but Suzzie and I are stuck with the good girl syndrome. I know all to well how she feels right now and I avoid letting myself get there. It seems easier to sit back and just let them come to you because when you're the one who makes the moves it is ridiculously frustrating and unnecessary. We're emotional and sensitive creatures that analyze like no tomorrow. We're always questioning intentions when they aren't clear and that's normal but draining. It doesn't help that we're stuck in the category of "a good woman" by their (previous men) definition and I don't think anyone can understand how much I loathe the term. My ex used to tell me this all of time post-break up when he was doing him and telling me that he still feels we'd get married.I could never understand why is it that guys would pass up a good woman in for slackness, confusion and drama. What's the point of being a good woman if you go noticed but disregarded or whatever? I mean, of course it is their loss but it is easy to see why good women turn bad. Suzzie is a great woman, gorgeous, stable in all aspects and I know she feels like she is hitting her head against a wall because it seems even harder to find someone who is on your level and essentially a good man who wants a good woman. Let me stick to the point..

Anyway, as she was telling me that she's going crazy because she doesn't know what to do, Mr. Mocha was texting her to see how she was doing and it only made her feel worse. I told her to be calmly upfront with him and see where they stand now. They haven't gone on any official dates but they've shared far too much time together in the last two months. You would think a guy would know by now if he's interested in a woman that he's opting to spend most of his free time with and they're not sleeping together.

This all reminds me of the book He's Just Not That Into You for the obvious reasons but his behavior is so confusing. Does he really see her as the woman that is available now and provides him with just enough of what he needs like Julie suggests or does he want more and just doesn't know how to go about it? I already know the answer but now that she's eased back in an effort to avoid ending up hurt by nonreciprocating feelings, he continues to contact her because he doesn't know how she is feeling and I am sure that in his man head everything is fine. She said that he is probably not even giving the situation a second thought and she's right. She's stressing about it and wondering how he feels about her for real for real and he's probably just doing him and not even pondering it slightly. This is what's so blah about being a female. Guys are so annoyingly clueless sometimes and other times they know exactly what they are doing with no regard to how we feel. Now poor Suzzie is feeling semi-crushed and completely confused because she really likes him and can't exactly avoid him without things turning out awkwardly but she wants to protect herself from getting in any deeper to be hurt down the line and all I can think is hmmm.....this kind of foolishness is exactly why I prefer to stay in control and stay in my corner.