A lost weekend....Single: Party of one, please.

I spent the entire weekend in my house mostly because of two flakes. Bff decided to be lazy last minute on Fri and opt to stay in his house instead of heading to Black Fat Pussy Cat with me after class as he had requested the night before... I was actually going to go out on Fri and enjoy myself but alas. Then, I had Sat. to look forward too. I was supposed to have drinks with Brando and his co-worker that night while he tried to talk to Boulder girl. Except, he decides that if I come then she may get the wrong impression and I would be the cock blocker. This was after Mel and I had already begun getting ready. We ended up staying in since she had to be motivated to go elsewhere and it was sort of nasty outside. Of course I told him about himself and then ignored his apologetic phone calls until tonight. Then I realized.. what is it about people? Is it the weather that makes everyone seek out another warm body to keep them company?.. Or is it the genuine need to share themselves? I know that asides from probably being broke, BFF most likely opted to stay in so he can chat with his boo. Brando was on a quest to secure him a boo even at the risk of my cursing him out for dropping me, a friend, at the last minute. Suzzie was off in Conn. most likely abandoning Julie Parker and our usual Sat night happenings so she can have wine and watch Grey's with Mr. Mocha. Jazzy is a lost cause as well since lately she only calls when her boo is unavailable. Julie is buried in her work and her bff lover seems to be away. Good news though! Red and her man just went to my favorite restaurant Sat. Merchants.. the one that I wanted to go to this weekend but didn't because I am surrounded by boo'd up people and wanna be boo'd up people and hermits.I guess I won't be doing brunch with the girls for a while.

Now at first I felt like I wanted to have a someone who I can go to dinner with and see shows or bowl or whatever.. But now , I say forget it. I can't see me sharing myself with anyone right now. Everyone seems to not be able to do anything if their s/o isn't available. They just want to stay in and do nothing or they are all up under them. I don't want to be like Jazzy sitting around drinking wine alone when Michael's out with friends. I don't want to lose my sense of independence. I don't think I could if I tried. I am actually annoyed.. though the foolishness is somewhat understandable...but I am still annoyed that no one seems to know how to balance themselves out anymore or the weather has them lazy to come out of their houses. To top it off I'm pretty much done with the whole idea of getting to know someone new or dating or potentially getting serious with someone. I don't have the energy to invest in any connections of maybes or hopefuls. I don't have the energy to look or deal with other's indecisiveness of what it is they want right now. I'm not investing my feelings or letting my emotions be swayed by anyone. Forget it and forget maybe. I'm definitely done. I'm over it all.

I had the right idea when I flirted freely and unattached and just did me. Me and Julie are so alike in this sense. I needed to stick to my rules and not venture on the side where everyone is standing in or waiting for love. I'll just keep walking, thanks. At this point, I'd rather be alone and content than taken and confused or stagnant. At least I know I have someone's company to enjoy. Mine. This weekend Mara comes into town but before then I am going to go on a date with myself. I'll open my own doors and spoil myself with dinner and maybe I'll go to the MET. I'll go to a Jazz lounge/bar and have a glass or two of Chardonnay and depending on the weather .. I'll walk across the bridge or the promenade and then take a cab home. It will beat losing another week/weekend to the hermit life of the lonely hearts club...sorry Mel. I'm resigning my membership. I don't really want to be bothered by anyone this week either and I don't want to think about relationships, men or anything related. I'm going to pull a mid January with the exception of next week and resurface when I feel like it. I'm glad that I stick to my rule of not drinking alone at home.