And the beat goes on...

So, it was my first day back to Speech class in two or three weeks. It was good to be back and my classmates asked me where I've been like I went missing. We had two weeks off and then I was late or absent last week thanks to a truck fire on the BQE. I still made in time to meet the teacher after class and show her my assignment, but I was absent. So, it has felt like a minute. Blah-Blah. Anyway, we had to do an impromptu speech as a class exercise and lucky me - I got the word procrastination. Boy, I could write a book on it since it used to be my life story.

We had to stand in front of the class and talk about the word we anonymously picked for one minute. So, imagine me discussing procrastination. I was nervous as all hell, but I knew exactly what to talk about. I decided to talk about my one year in college, leaving, working for myself, saying I would go back for five years and then feeling stagnant and then finally doing it (going back). I ended my speech saying I finally decided to go back and instead of wasting another semester to transfer to Baruch, I decided to take my core classes here and here I am. I got a loud applause and the professor seemed intrigued asking me about my business. I hadn't done my personal introduction yet, so that should be interesting. While I did well with my impromptu speech , I was SHAKING when I went to sit down. I don't even remember making eye contact-though I did. I felt so weak in the knees. I still have a little nervousness when it comes to speaking in front of folks, but it will be OK.

Anyway, so as usual after class we have to stay behind and show our assignment while the other class is entering. Guess who came walking into my classroom?? I can't remember if I mentioned him before but it's this 6'4, nice built, fine, carmel brotha who is always dressed in business attire. I am guessing that he is a banker perhaps? He has ot be around 24 and he is fine. Either way, we would lock eyes in the hallway when I am leaving my Speech class and he is walking towards whichever class. I'd briefly look away whenever I saw him- I blame shyness. This time, I was in the class talking to two girls and waiting for the professor when he came in and I was so distracted. We were talking about something simple like the word apple. Someone got the word apple for their impromptu speech and we were just talking about how we would have used it. He did a double take when he saw me in the classroom. I guess like me, he had no idea that we had classes in the same room. Well, there I am talking about apple and I immediately lose my train of thought. I try again and nothing. One more time.. Come on, girl. Nothing! I snuck a look at him and kind of turned my back towards him so I can be able to talk without feeling like a fool. As we walked out of the class, I told Tiffany, one of the girls who I was talking with at the time, why I was so flustered. She didn't even notice him come in but she's usually not paying attention anyway.

I would go and talk to him. I talk to every one freely. Still, I sometimes feel like that awkward girl from junior high. You know, the one who likes that popular guy who looks so amazing and probably is but she's so insecure that she thinks he's out of her league. She tells herself that he is but she writes him these little love notes expressing how she feels and hoping that he may feel the same. As usual, the notes would go ignored. Somehow that awkward little girl grew up in high school and no longer had to write notes to get any one's attention. But every now and then she likes a boy and thinks that he may not be interested for whatever reason. Of course it will be his lost, but it took her a while to acknowledge it and not take it personally. I would go and talk to him, but I don't know what to say . I don't want to look corny or crazy. I don't even know if we have anything in common or if he's spoken for or whatever. Here I am thinking about it when I am not even really interested in dealing with a guy right now. Now I feel like Suzzie when she was relaying how she liked Marcus but feels like a fool whenever she wants to talk to him.

Shit. I'm supposed to be studying.